G to the C

I wonder what happens after one dies. Since I am a Hindu I know that I will be coming back to earth in another life-form, but first I’ll have to go through the whole process of interviewing with the God. Its our perception from endless movies that when people die, they go through the clouds towards a bright light up in the sky.. always! and if they are going to hell, they go through fiery red pit of fire with strange looking tentacled hands grabbing the poor towards it. Why is it so? Who knows what happens after you die.. you are not there to tell your stories to a live person anymore now are you?

I think it works a little differently. I think right after the death, God comes down to wherever you are … I think this would be the sort of conversation I ‘d have with God when my time comes.

God: Hi

I: Hi

God: Do you know me?

I: uhh…. No. Who are you?

God: I know who you are, I have seen you your whole life. I am GOD

I: No way! How can you be God? You look exactly like me!

God: And so does this body of yours which is lying down right behind you.

I: body? What body?? Wait a minute… I am dead??? How did this happen?

God: How, when and why is not important. More important is the fact that your soul is no longer in that body, and we have to make a decision whether you deserve to go to hell or to heaven.

I: But God, I gotta tell you.. its really hard for me to call you ‘God’ since you look exactly like me and my whole life I’ve prayed to the most beautiful idols around the world calling them God.

God: Well, I can change my shape to anything you like but trust me, in this job, its really hard to come with the most satisfying’s God’s face, if you know what I mean. Besides, Its hard enough to take care of everything that’s going on in this world and the other 5 million worlds all over this universe that I am managing, and be there each and every single time when someone dies to have this chat I am having with you, that I stopped bothering myself to try to find the best appearance. This has helped me avoide so endless list of questions like oh I never thought you’d look like this or Are you sure you are God and not just another agent trying to sell me Quickstar? It shudders me when I think about those times and don’t even get me started on the languages and the places where some of these creatures speak from…

I: ok, ok I get the point.. U know what, you sound exactly like me! Whining all the time!

God: Well, now you know why everyone tried to avoid you.

I: Ha. Ha.. very funny!

God: And as they say in.. err, what’s the path that you follow to get to me?

I: I follow the religion called Hinduism

God: Oh yea, that’s right.. on Earth you call it religion and you follow Hinduism… yea, as they say in Hinduism that I am in everything, even within you..

I: that’s Buddhism

God: Ah, same thing.. and Didn’t that come out of Hinduism?

I: Point!

God: Well then, what’s your problem of me being appearing exactly like you.

I: Hmm.. I guess that’s why you are the manager of the whole universe.. you can talk yourself out of anything

God: Not just the manager my dear, I am the owner!

I: Right. So I guess its time for me to say – Hello God, its very nice to meet you finally.

God: Well said

I: So, What’s next?

God: Oh not much, I pretty much know everything about you, even the things that you don’t know about yourself. So, I just need to ask you one question before I decide your fate for the rest of the eternity.

I: and what would that be?

God: Do you feel lucky? Do you…. Punk?

I: O cmon’, you are the GOD, the creator, the owner of this world and this is what you come up with to define the rest of my time, an old clichéd Clint Eastwood’s Dirty Harry line?

God: Whaaaat? I like this line and who do you think Clint got this line from? He came back on earth after one of these conversations with me!

I: What? So does that mean there is a chance of me going back to earth and live some more?

God: Sure.. if that’s what I have for you in mind, then why not! But chances are very slim for you ..almost nil

I: That’s unfair!

God: I know.. face it ! I am just kidding.. naa, Clint was a special case.. you on the other hand are a nothing!

I: wow, that’s a little too honest, don’t you think? I thought I was may be a ’something’ in life.

God: Nope, Sorry.. you are just one out of billions. a teeny meeny nothing.. you are as inconspicuous as a one pixel out of 10 million pixels on a 2 inch lens.

I: Its very visible if its missed.

God: Point!

I: Well, then who would be a ‘something’ that gets the honor of getting back to earth .. and I am talking about  Humans

God: Well put.. just to name a few.. James Bond, Spider Man, Superman – although he is not human, Batman and my favorite Krish… he is young but he is coming up very fast.

I: But they are all fictional characters!!!! None of them are real!!

God: Really? Not even Krish?

I: NO!!!

God: Aww man!!! I knew there was something wrong when I saw him jumping the buildings like that.

OK fine.. down to business.. So I have decided to send you to Hell!

I: Wait, no.. please give me a chance. I can do better in heaven.. just one chance.

God: dude.. say something that I haven’t heard before

I: ok.. “Abreadasg dfklasnf;ow dflkdfwr kslkjAD&^$S”

God: Nice try.. but I have heard that too…. Its final, you are going to hell.. Bye bye, until we meet again !!

I: No wait, please.. ok at least tell me before you go which planet can I get more petrol on?

Pufff!!!!! There I was.. in hell.. it looked so gloomy.. all grey no other color, just a screen in front of me and a key board barely hanging off of a hand-support with clicking sounds coming from all over.. I found myself sitting in a blue cloth ergonomic chair with my feet on the foot rest. I was back in my 6×6 cubicle!

This is indeed hell..